Homeless in San Diego

Homeless San Diego resident offers a unique solution to homelessness in the city

In an effort to help those in need, humanitarian Orlando Barahona has proposed an emergency housing plan he calls Las Casitas Tiny Homes Village. The housing plan calls for the creation of a small colony of houses that can be used as transitional homes for homeless men and women including their children. The Village will also serve as a place where medical help, casework, and possibly specialized job training can be obtained on-site for the homeless community.

In “A Homeless Voice,” a short film by Brooks Venters, Barahona talks about how his life as a freelance web designer and graphic artist changed when he became homeless after losing his biggest clients. He then suffered from substance abuse and was admitted into programs off and on. Considering himself to be a secular humanist, Barahona also found it difficult to find help in a religious-based program, saying in the film “Am I supposed to just, you know, pray my anxiety away? That’s not going to work for me, I need to talk to a professional.” After learning he was HIV positive, he sought medical treatment which proved difficult to get, thus leaving him unconvinced that the programs in place were meeting his needs. The 24-minute film also takes a look into the housing plan and how he got the idea. “A Homeless Voice” is the first film by Venters, a digital marketing associate from Oceanside.

In a business plan outline sent to The Mesa Press by Barahona, estimates for the village are set at $1,520 per home. The cost is based on a previously made small house village in Canada for which this plan draws inspiration from. An official prototype has not been designed yet, but the idea would be small inexpensive and portable “pods” that tenants can take with them once they have accumulated enough public service hours or paid for themselves after finding employment. Owning a portable house could be considered an incentive for people to volunteer and participate in the program.
Submitting his idea to a design contest for nonprofit developers and organizations was also suggested as a way to design the first prototype and get public funding, as made possible through the McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act of 1987. The act, signed into law by President Ronald Reagan, provides federal funding to programs that support the homeless.

A representation of what Las Casitas would be like. Courtesy of Orlando Barahona.

After contacting a nonprofit developer, Barahona was told by the potential partner that the proper research would be conducted in order to have a proposal and application submitted by the deadline for the competition. The deadline passed in September with no help from the other party, leaving Barahona without a developer or contractor to help with the project.
The first priority of the housing plan would be to provide transportation to health programs or work sites for tenants. An area in Oceanside is being considered due to its close proximity to law enforcement and a local hospital. As an alternative, large trucks could be converted into mobile units that could then provide those services as well as casework or job training for residents. These mobile units could also be reused and sent to other locations that need them.

The village would have a park or rest area, security post, and a central tower where showers, a dining hall, and other basic living accommodations can be fulfilled for those living there.
Barahona is currently in a transitional housing program. More information on him and his cause can be found on his blog hisd.life, and “A Homeless Voice” is now available to stream for free on YouTube.

This Article was first published at The Mesa Press in San Diego.
Image one: Courtesy of Brooks Venters
Image Two: Courtesy of Orlando Barahona

This work by HISD.Life is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

The Landscape of Activism for Tiny Homes

Lisa Kogan, a local school teacher inadvertently started the saga of lobbying for approval of the tiny homes and tiny shelters in San Diego. Her epic struggle to change the lives of the homeless in this city with her tiny shelters idea yielded mixed results; she partnered with the non-profit Amikas and a team of supporters, volunteers, craftsmen and attorneys sympathetic to the cause, but the government officials I have met let me know it is preferable to build solid structures which can become high-end rent income mines after 50 or so years of a contractual obligation to be low-income buildings.

For good measure, I have submitted my updated education and business plan to all the agencies in which I am a member, but priorities veer toward those with emergencies, rendering the ideas dreams and programs with funding in place better for all social workers collecting a salary. Rumors from social workers of my acquaintance have it that funds for housing will most likely be allocated in the near future to more families instead of single people, as so many single folks fail to remain stable due to the tricky book of regulations to receive funds from the organizations running programs and a lack of supportive mental healthcare adherence peers unfailingly fall into as is their wont.

Recent developments in funding bring hope! The December 11, 2018 Independent Budget Analyst Report IBA-18_37 Review of FY-2019 First Quarter Budget Monitoring Report shows the City’s Economic Development Department (EDD) is trying to liquidate $38.2 million in the Successor Agency (SA) Redevelopment Property Tax Trust Fund (RPTTF) as Residual Distributions to create an additional unbudgeted $6.5 million to the General Fund for Pension Increases, by failure to spend the Successor Agency money and lack of plan for spending cash. Sabotage.

Solution: Lobby City Council on December 11, 2018, to get the full $38.2 million in additional CDBG Program Income for FY-2018 so that it can be used for good instead of liquidated for no reason. This brightens my day. Let’s hope those funds are not used to fund some CEO’s salary.

Both Los Angeles and San Luis Obispo have finally passed legislation to approve tiny homes as dwellings. Way to go, folks! Let’s hope San Diego follows in their epiphany.

For our Acquaintance, this:

I’m much happier these days since entering Alpha Square, a Permanent Supportive Housing program run by Alpha Project. About three years ago I came to San Diego upon the insistence of my middle sister to come and re-invent myself in California after a toxic love relationship ended. Had I known she was fully Bipolar and not on medications I would have passed. Three years of hardship ensued.

Alpha Square is a Permanent Supportive Housing facility. Their building is managed by Royal Property Management Group. In every way possible to establish a dream residence, the team of social workers assigned to the in-house program (alas, there is a program) brings forth a tremendous amount of support in the form of donations of clothing, utensils, assorted goods, men’s groups, bible study groups, presentations from various nonprofits and even access to food from their pantry and a “grocery time” during which a few stores donate vegetables and other necessities with which people collecting SSI and SSDI can bridge the gap in necessities when they have no more funds to buy food.

There are rules in every government-funded facility and Alpha Square is no different. There are annoying rules, such as 1. No visitors past ten P.M. unless a request for an overnight stay has been filed twenty-four hours in advance. 2. All tenants must escort visitors to and from the lobby after said visitors surrender their driver’s license or identification card, being subject to security guards with a thuggy past to speak to your visitors and you as prisoners. However, there is the opportunity to right these wrongs by filing a written complaint. NO ONE from the front desk speaks to me anymore and that is how it should be. People with mental disabilities require empathy, not stereotypical law enforcement tactics.

Since I became a tenant at Alpha Square I completed two courses: SDSU’s Roadmap to Recovery course and a Family and Peer Support course from NAMI San Diego. There is the matter of becoming a commercially-successful writer of short stories, but I shall save that until I can truly dedicate myself to the career. Check out Rogue Diary on BlogSpot.

Not all is Bleak

Your tax dollars are used in various programs to fund a transition into working and contributing to society: MHS and countless other agencies dedicate their efforts to prepare folks with a criminal past and peers with mental disabilities to achieve self-sufficiency.

There is one fatal flaw I found in my transition into Mental Healthcare: as a Family and Peer Support Specialist my available jobs require driving and even bathing clients in their homes, for which I had to obtain clearance from the Caregiver Background Check Bureau. It took nine months to receive that clearance from them and when I finally reported to work I was awarded twelve hours of work at 12.50/hour. Not what I expected as a College graduate! I do not receive funds for disability and I care not to consider my desire to exercise my abilities to help others as a hobby.

Are the organizations I applied to asking of me to be liable for a severely mentally-challenged individual to jump out of my automobile and be rolled-over by a truck? Knowledgeable CEOs of select companies have made arrangements with Lyft and Uber to transport them. I changed careers to be “Boy Friday?”

A change in career should be focused on the realistic expectations government-funded agencies require. So many people have at least one record of arrest and incarceration for events such as DUIs and violence that an entire sub-class of people has sprung from the survival of the immaculate designation to weed out the ever-poor ones. How about the Culinary Arts?

Praise goes to the truly aware and helpful social workers who send out emails to me about job leads and special resources to be obtained on a limited basis. I love you, guys. Not everyone is callous in Social Work.

How do I bridge the gap between Reality and Optimism?

These days I continue to network with sincere people who care about change in the flawed system of care and give my extra t-shirts to those in need. The Ten Commandments come to mind since almost all charitable organizations are Christian-based. I’m a Buddhist, but the pageantry of Christian churches holds sway in my affection for musical and community needs.

What do I contribute to Society? My empathy and activism as well as being part of the group that shows up at City Hall. I allow some of the friends I made during my homeless years to take a nap at my place since there is a snoring crisis in shelters and sharing a film with popcorn with them is just a way to create a safe haven for them. Is there someone who would donate a surgery to cure snoring? There is one, you know.

I have also become involved in a team of concerned citizens who inspect Independent Living facilities, as the ownership of a home and collecting money from the disabled invites abuse easily. Seven hundred dollars+ a month for fifteen tenants’ money orders amounts to a lot of money. The pride of being able to prevent this abuse by inspecting the facilities in which my peers live is something I find necessary in my own recovery and peace of mind. Volunteering rocks! They have just taken on reviewing Sober Living facilities as a branch that has been necessary for a few years in this town. Getting thrown out because of relapse and keeping your deposit is barbaric.

My most substantial contribution is being a volunteer for Public Relations and entrepreneurial ideas for Tree San Diego and its project Trējuvenation, which saves end-of-life trees from going into the wood chipper. Feel like making a table out of a polished treetop? The wood is free and it can become beautiful in the hands of the right artist.

So, what’s next?

Research and promptly-available action in legislation, regardless of how mangy most homeless people look. Why not take the time to connect and change other humans’ lives? That would be fantastic. My peers need support in any way you can give it. I’m not vain, but a lot of them need hope and a makeover.

There are Meetup.com events and even private ones from prominent figures working in public office. The revolution must come from within, not on GoFundMe or social media. Even rock stars go on tour! Happy Holidays to all!

Text: Orlando Barahona/hisd.life

Image (top): Nathan Rupert/Flickr – Creative Commons

Image (bottom): Bill Dickinson/Flickr – Creative Commons

THIS WORK BY HISD.LIFE IS LICENSED UNDER A CREATIVE COMMONS ATTRIBUTION-NONCOMMERCIAL-NODERIVATIVES 4.0 INTERNATIONAL LICENSE.

A former homeless person's follow-up to a tiny home plan for San Diego's homeless

Politics are the Ultimate Porn

The Art of Political Science is about a distilled and formulaic perversion of The People’s ideals: Politicians and bureaucrats do not provide what we want; they teach us how to desire it. Public officials’ speeches and a charismatic delivery do not guide my direction in assembling a business and housing plan for San Diego because they do not offer clarity in describing the steps to achieve its presentation and success.

A very important North County housing summit is about to be hosted in Escondido, California on July 19th, 2018 by the San Diego North Economic Development Council in conjunction with the Housing You Matters Coalition. When I reached the Coalition’s Facebook page I was told all the speakers were booked and thus my revised business and housing plan could not fit in for this event.

That is understandable, but not ideal for me, after I have updated and refined my first plan, published here in 2016. Find out more on the event’s page here. I wasn’t offered the possibility to present the plan at any other time.

Who am I, figuratively and in Reality? Orlando Barahona. My name does not ring a bell in almost all aspects of Real Estate Development and much less in Politics. By the way, Wakeland Housing and Development Corporation has a paper copy of my plan. They should look it up.

However insignificant I am as a former homeless figure, I have met and befriended fellow activists and thinkers in the movement to propose a plausible solution to the urgent need for low-income and homeless Housing First needs. This makes me feel more connected to my peers and no longer a lone wolf in my activism with its entrepreneurial qualities.

Capitalism has one imperative: Capital must circulate and thus no one will invest in a black hole, which is how developers see the various projects presented to alleviate mounting pressure to offer a bigger stock of homes. Is it mandatory to build these homes? Yes, but my angle is all about a business plan attached to a rehabilitation program.

Non-profit organizations (if I am correct) cannot also own a for-profit business. For-profit businesses require an acumen that is alien to social workers, but open to entrepreneurs. Screw grants, I want to meet some Russian oligarchs to fund my plan ha ha ha ha!

To Business We Come

The Concept To lease or purchase a commercial property in San Diego in order to build a model colony of tiny homes, which will serve as the first housing, business, and rehabilitation program of its kind
The Demographics Served Chronically homeless men and women with a mental challenge diagnosis who enter the system of emergency rooms, crisis houses and short-term residential programs on a regular basis using Prop 63 and Prop 64 funding; AB109 clients or TAY (transitional-age youth) as alternative demographics.
The Program THE EMANCIPATION PROJECT: Business Education, Wellness and Vocational Training leading to Self-Sufficiency and Ownership of Tiny Homes for the Social Reintegration of its Participants.

Program duration: 2 years.

Orientation Period: Mental Health Evaluation and Education via individual and group therapy sessions.Connection to Social Services

Phase Two: Daily routine involving physical wellness
Addressing substance use issues

Phase Three: Business and Vocational Training

How to Budget Your Income
Basic Woodworking
Basic Sustainable Farming
Basic Building Material-Making (i.e. from recycled plastics)

Phase Four: Self-Sufficiency Through Products and Services
The Emancipation Project’s primary aim is to educate a labor force that can build new tiny homes for people looking to purchase one. The completion of the program offers the ownership of a tiny home to its participants, which refreshes the American Dream of owning a house.

Funding

Milords and Miladies, I give you the free-standing Solar-Powered Electric Charging Station, which can satisfy your need for recharging cellular phones, tablets, and laptops. An estimated 4k units laced strategically in San Diego County can bring in break-even revenue within a year and can be an excellent source of self-funding for the colony and its program without having to propose more taxes.

A clever campaign can effectively introduce the stations to the public at the cost of a few dollars or quarter-dollars per use as a solution to the constant woes of budget cuts for this project. Brilliant!

The Evolution of Zoning and Insurance for Tiny Homes

One of my closest new friends and an active member of the Tiny Home Movement who built his own tiny home on wheels met with a very recent and current issue related to zoning and insurance for tiny homes when he and his girlfriend received a potential eviction notice from the lot where the tiny home is parked. Luckily, there is a solution, which is in progress and that eases my mind about the well-being of my friend and his girlfriend.

There is much work to be done in order to continue with this very personal passion. To make a big stride, I am now partnering with members of the movement whose skills in various fields related to Urban Planning and Real Estate Law give me hope. I will continue to update you when possible. Stay strong and keep in touch!

_____________________________________

Tiny house image: Lenara Verle/Flickr/CC Lic.

Las Casitas logo by V-69 Digital Marketing
Originally published at San Diego UrbDezine

Can you and I save the homeless people of San Diego?

By Orlando Barahona

I’m Orlando Barahona, a Peer Support Specialist, homeless outreach volunteer and activist against homelessness living in San Diego, CA. After enduring a harrowing time as a destitute man in this city, I promised myself I would do all I could to spare others the despair and humiliation that befalls the homeless.

For the past three years, I’ve done some extensive research for a housing plan I developed and named it Las Casitas Tiny Homes Village. I am now sharing it via Dropbox, so download it and share it with others. It includes a self-funding device that would save taxpayers yet another heap of taxes.

Can you and I affect change by reaching out to decision-makers in San Diego? This is the account of my journey.

The Bureaucracy of San Diego

I’d like to taunt you with the concept of demanding accountability from those who govern this great city. Civic duty is an imperative to affect change in this city, in this century for a problem older than history. Please show up and vote on important issues when given the opportunity.

Have you noticed how bureaucratic meetings “open to the public” take place during regular business hours, from 9 a.m to 5 p.m., when everyone else is working? I have the unrelenting suspicion that these officious creatures have surreptitiously taken power from voters. Demand change or forever follow orders.

When a city cannot keep talented entrepreneurs in its portfolio of assets to bring on prosperity from industry, what is there left to do? Well, that’s what Housing and Urban Development, Veterans Affairs, and Ryan White funds are for! Why bother fostering new uncertain business ventures, when big non-profits can write and submit their grants in the sordid business of receiving federal subsidies out of others’ misery? Management of the homeless unquestionably creates jobs and the source is inexhaustible, for there will always be people suffering mental challenges and there must be someone to arrest and levy fines on.

You Can’t Handle the Proof

Here is a definition of the expression “to throw someone under the bus” and the prelude to exactly what I’ll do right after it:

“’To throw (someone) under the bus’ is an idiomatic phrase in American English meaning to sacrifice a friend or ally for selfish reasons. It is typically used to describe a self-defensive disavowal and severance of a previously-friendly relationship when the relation becomes controversial or unpopular.” From Wikipedia

I reached Tina Kessler, assistant real estate manager at the Real Estate Department of the San Diego Housing Commission and followed up with correspondence to Suket Dayal, who directed me to Melissa Peterman, vice president of the Homeless Housing Innovations Department at the San Diego Housing Commission.

Peterman did not have the professional courtesy of typing a “Hello” in her reply; she hastily copied and pasted the link to an annual report for the agency and it wasn’t until I filed a formal complaint in writing and in person at the SDHC headquarters that she answered the phone properly. My last contact with the SDHC was with Ralph Tharp, senior contract and procurement analyst for the organization.

The SDHC officials’ idea of required procedures to reach them for an audience involved a rather circuitous route involving expenditures funded by my inadequate money reserves to incorporate either a non-profit or a Section 3 business, then to hire a grant-writer, followed by a registration in a web portal where they would review the proposal. Hmm.

How do you assemble an estimate of a project that would involve logistics between several government agencies and non-profits, research from commercial real estate management companies, architects and engineers without the promise of any profits or payment for their time to produce an estimate, also without access to proprietary data from each one? You don’t. Nay, you can’t.

A better experience was had when I contacted the Oceanside Housing Authority. I was able to meet with Margery Pierce, director of Neighborhood Services Department. She gave it to me straight between the eyes: most of the money available in block grants from HUD is allocated first to ongoing projects, and non-profits are the sharks I would be up against in my quest for funding for my project.

Since I was getting not much from the SDHC, I proceeded to execute Plan B, contacting Caltrans. I shot an email over to Will Shuck at the Department of Transportation (D.O.T.), who in turn had Karen Brewster, special projects manager for Caltrans shoot back an email with information on how to spend my non-existent money on an encroachment permit, all so I could advocate settling the tiny homes around central buildings with restrooms and parking lots in the Aliso Creek and Alpine rest stops.

That was the end of the correspondence from Caltrans.

I was introduced to Peter Seidler through a mutual acquaintance online. During our conversation, he declared he did not know enough about the homeless situation to proceed with any plans.

Stacie Spector’s email marked the moment when I decided to make a pause in my pursuit of an audience with government officials.

The Press

How does a bewildered homeless man go about raising awareness of an issue by arousing popular opinion? Let’s backtrack a little on the calendar to Jan. 29, 2016.

Morgan Hurley at the San Diego Downtown News published the first piece I wrote after the final draft was submitted. Fast-forward to Bill Adams, who became interested in my proposal for a synergy with UrbDeZineand I became a contributor.

Dan McSwain at the San Diego Union Tribune reminded me of the ruthless motto “money talks and bullsh*t walks”:

A couple of recent news items look promising: The tents, for example. By the way, Sunbreak Ranch would require $15 million dollars in set-up costs, and an annual operating budget of $50 million dollars per year to run, or such is the wish of George Mullen.

There’s also news about legislation that would favor “junior companion units“, which is far more aligned with my plight for tiny housing. Not shelters, people! Houses. Janet Ashforth of Habitats Tiny Homes in Escondido has also met with regulations that seem to impede progress for tiny housing.

I derive little hope from the prospect of the tents potentially being managed and serviced by Father Joe’s Villages. I would much prefer Community Research Foundation’s and the VA’s more comprehensive support systems to assist in healing so many broken people.

The biggest mistake made during this effort to effect change was to lone-wolf it. I won’t stop my activism, but I am entitled to a respite from so much psychic pain during my education in housing for the poor.

Get involved. Vote. Leave ratings on Google Maps for the world to see who you’re dealing with.

I’m Orlando Barahona and I’m still a seeker and a shipwrecked soul looking for a solution to homelessness in San Diego, CA.

Originally published at the San Diego Free Press website: https://sandiegofreepress.org/2017/08/san-diego-bureaucracy-vs-the-homeless-people/
Email correspondence screen captures: Orlando Barahona/V-69
Photo Credits:
Image 1: Theo Kase/Flickr
Image 2: Ralph Kranzlein/Flickr
Image 3: David Valenzuela/Flickr

As I approach my third year in California, and especially because today is a Sunday, I have decided to list the activating events, challenges, misfortunes, insights gained and triumphs that have propelled me down the rabbit hole and into an increasingly wondrous chaos of Recovery in San Diego.

Vista, CA. Orlando arrives in San Diego in August of 2014 and stays at his middle sister’s place for 2 months – Kicked out.

My middle sister’s Middle Sister Syndrome. My father’s features on my face to remind her of his betrayal subconsciously. Her full Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, un-medicated. Today I harbor no more resentments toward her, now that she moved to Las Vegas. This wouldn’t be the end of my love for her as a sister, but I wish to never see her again.

Anxiety is the drive that causes me to execute the directive to self-destruct from fear of further pain.

Oceanside, CA. First hospitalization for intoxication and suicidal ideations at Tri-City Hospital for 10 days in November 2014. Released to:

South Bay Area, CA. Isis Crisis Center, renamed Del Sur Crisis Center/CRF in 2017. 12 days in November 2014.

Depression lives in the past and Anxiety in the future.

Referred to:

Carlsbad, CA. La Posada de Guadalupe (men’s shelter) / Catholic Charities. 4 months, from 2014 to 2015.

This stop on my hellish experience in the downward spiral sparked the creation of a housing plan and its employment division when I noticed the disproportionate amount of drug addicts and ex-convicts versus men with a mental challenge who lived in a state of disappointment, so much to do with the dearth of employers who would hire any of us. I applied for a position at Interfaith Community Services. More about that later.

Vista, CA. Choices (residential rehab in Vista) – 4 months in 2015.

I must thank Delcy, the sales rep of a pharmacy in Northern California who both provided me with the stability of meds delivered at the shelter for my various physical and mental ailments and directed me to my first Case Manager, Rafaela. Rafaela used to dance for Prince on his tours! She called and made the referral to the program.

Much of my street slang and attitudes were exponentially enriched when I was exposed to the mixed demographics that made up the population of this program: AB 109 ex-convicts, self-paid clients, Ryan White-funded clients and clients with varying degrees of sexual identities.

Oh, the personalities! Most of the counselors were addicts in Recovery, most extremely unpleasant and rough. The unjust promotions of the worst possible offenders to positions of Management in the four Houses owned by the company and the favoritism for self-funded clients left me baffled and irate.

However, this experience came with some hilarious moments, all sprinkled from various people and at random times of the day. One ex-meth chemist was on parole and served as a counselor for us wayward souls in a bargain with the State of California. During the peak of the better times, his quotations included the best advice I’ve ever laughed at. He said: “If you cannot get someone to pay for your hotel room for a night or two, your hustle is weak!”

The fun ended bitterly after four months of receiving dictums from high school dropouts-turned-philosophers against my will. They took on the task of “showing me how to live” in a sobriety I grew to hate. Vodka had never tasted better than the day I walked out of my “house” of idiots.

OH, don’t let me forget to tell you that their Program Director at the time went on to lose his license and faced jail time for propositioning a male prostitute who bargained with him to enter the program for the fifth time for another round of “Recovery”.

Vista, CA. Stays again at middle sister’s place to work things out for 2 weeks in 2015. Kicked out again.

You would think I learned from my first encounter with the woman’s rage, but I stumbled again. I begged Rafaela again for help desperately. The kindness of strangers… Rafaela received an approval to release emergency funds via Townspeople to cover one month’s stay in the sober living “colony” of four interconnected homes.

Vista, CA for 1 month of required Recovery meetings and lots of preaching in 2015.

I was not expelled because of a relapse; loneliness brought on the need for human contact and I was caught receiving fellatio from an acquaintance by another tenant in the room I shared with two other guys. Oops.

“To understand Recovery, you must know what you are recovering from.”

— Steve K.

Hillcrest, CA. Second hospitalization for suicidal ideations. 7 days in 2015.

I define Chronic Depression as a daily call from Earth to make me its own, to return to dust. Every day, I choose to live.

Released to:

San Diego, CA. 5 days in 2015.

Great news arrived suddenly at the wrong time! Interfaith had conducted a background check and after a second interview, they hired me! Unfortunately, this wonderful event interfered with my treatment at the crisis center. I exited the facility against professional advice and I went on to yet another new beginning.

Employment at Interfaith Community Services

Carlsbad, CA. 1 month in late 2015.

My trial employment period ended when I exited the program and the money I was paid (12.50/hr. part-time, no benefits) simply could not fit for the expenses of a monthly bus pass, a shared room and food. Desperation made its appearance in my timeline again.

The outrage and my resentment over enduring the rotten conditions at the men’s shelter compelled me to reach out to a few people in different government agencies, asking for information on how to affect radical changes in housing for the poor.

During my sessions of computer use at the Carlsbad Library (excellent job on the building!) I began to connect the dots, to trace the money for housing development. I sent an email to the San Diego Housing Commission later that year after a little more torture.

Behind my disappointments now lies pessimism, but not all was bleak in those days because I had begun a transformation, a change of careers into Mental Healthcare.

It is during waiting periods that I pick up literature of various kinds from kiosks or coffee tables and the turning point that launched my new career in Mental Healthcare came when I took a brochure announcing courses in mental wellness at my first haven of mental recovery, the Mariposa Clubhouse before my intake. In it was information about the W.R.A.P. (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) class taught by instructors from Recovery Innovations International. That course was the key to Peer Employment Training. More about that later.

Escondido, CA. Third hospitalization for a panic attack and suicidal ideations. 7 days in 2016.

Do you ever start to believe that life doesn’t want you?

After Adrian, my Case Worker at Owen Clinic advocated for my entry into a long-term program, I was released into:

La Mesa, CA. HIV+ transitional housing program – 3 months, from 2015-2016. Historical note: the house in which I stayed served as a hospice for AIDS patients in the 80’s.

Alas, this stop would be brief as well. I shared a room with a man whose sole focus was in helping his severely schizophrenic friend by allowing him to sleep beside his bed, after staff completed bed checks. This I would find out when I woke to the panting and alarming body spasms my roommate’s friend had one midnight. The result was a panic attack from my roommate’s threats to accuse me of sexual advances if I did not keep the facts of that night to myself and my subsequent exit from the program for consuming a handful of Klonopin pills to calm down the irrational fear gripping me and its consequences.

One curious insight came to me after I filed to appeal the decision of the Program Director at the time and had a meeting at the St. Vincent de Paul (as it was known until last year) offices located in the Villa Harvey Mandel building on Imperial Avenue in Downtown San Diego: even during what you’d call a “blackout” I was functional! The cameras in the house caught me as I became an increasingly “touchy-feely” guy and this was great news for me! Why? Because I don’t become Jeffrey Dahmer when my subconscious takes over. I was thrilled, but homeless yet again.

Oceanside, CA. Fourth hospitalization for a panic attack and suicidal ideations for 10 days in early 2016. Released to:

Oceanside, CA. 10 days in early 2016

I have continued to put myself in harm's way because of a deep-rooted shame. The origin of my anger can be traced back to my frustration over being helpless as a child during the first domestic violence episode with my parents.

2016 saw two more hospitalizations. Couch-surfing. Employment. A documentary. Three crisis centers. "Camping out in nature" between programs...

Golden Hill, CA. July 2017 - October 2017

You would think I knew by now not to trust her. She offered a room in her garage she was building for the purpose of healing and moving on with our lives, but instead, her Bipolar disorder turned her again into the monster I've grown to hate and she kicked me out in the cold again.

-------------------------------------------------------

1. Morning meditation: Envision the entire day as desired, then create a contingency plan.

2. Kegel exercises and stretching.

3. Shower & chores.

4. Anger prevention checklist:

Acceptance.
Good manners.
Ask myself if I am all right.
The intention to be thoughtful of others.
Be in the moment.
Close my eyes and express quiet gratitude to The Energy surrounding me.

5. Achieve one or two of the short-term goals listed in the client plan per day.

6. Learn one new word per day.

7. Clean shoes at the end of the day and sprinkle talcum powder in them when available.

8. Practice breathing exercises.

9. Rest.

10. Repeat.

What’s playing in my Obama phone's flash card at the moment? A selection of mp3s from almost every decade since the Twenties from these artists (in no particular order):

Air ▪ Soul II Soul ▪ Billie Holiday ▪ Ella Fitzgerald ▪ Cocteau Twins ▪ Lisa Stansfield ▪ Grace Jones ▪ Black Box ▪ The Police ▪ Prince ▪ Alpha ▪ Belanova ▪ Goldfrapp ▪ Soulsearcher ▪ Thievery Corporation ▪ Eurythmics ▪ Samantha Fox ▪ Duran Duran ▪ Astrud Gilberto ▪ Mecano ▪ Chet Baker ▪ Bananarama ▪ Scissor Sisters ▪ Peaches ▪ Ludacris ▪ Tiësto ▪ Les Nubians ▪ Philip Glass ▪ The Bloodhound Gang ▪ Veldt ▪ Curve ▪ Lana Del Rey ▪ p.j. harvey and about five more.

Epilogue

At the time of the publication of this post I will have been back from the brink of oblivion for a solid fifty-two days. Having the companionship and the searching spirit of my peers has been less of a challenge to enjoy than during other residential recovery periods. I’m attending Recovery meetings at The Alano Club in Golden Hill and Dharma Bum Temple in University Heights.

I’m Orlando and I’m still a seeker and a shipwrecked soul looking for a solution to homelessness in San Diego, CA. I'm still curious to know how my story ends.

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